School Jokes

Bored with school
Why were you late ?
Sorry, teacher, I overslept.
You mean you need to sleep at home too !

Teacher: Class, we will have only half a day of school this morning.
Class: Hooray
Teacher: We will have the other half this afternoon!

Teacher: That's quite a cough you have there, what are you taking for it ?
Pupil: I don't know teacher. What will you give me ?

Son: I can't go to school today.
Father: Why not ?
Son: I don't feel well
Teacher: Where don't you feel well ?
Son: In school !

Teacher: You missed school yesterday didn't you ?
Pupil: Not very much !

Playing truant from school is like a credit card
Fun now, pay later !

Laugh and the class laughs with you.
But you get detention alone !

Classmates
We have one classmate who is really a dimwit.
His mother once bought him some Silly Putty to play with and it outsmarted him.

A classmate of mine is so smart, he knows the answer to every question the teacher asks.
He raises his hand so often in class that his underarms are sunburned.

Excuses for why you don't have your homework
I didn't do my homework because I lost my memory
When did this start ?
When did what start !

A sudden gust of wind blew it out of my hand and I never saw it again

The lights in our house went out, and I had to burn it to get enough light to see the fuse box

Another pupil fell in a lake, and I jumped in to rescue him. My homework though drowned.

PUPIL: Teacher, would you punish me for something I didn't do?
TEACHER: Of course not
PUPIL: Good, because I didn't do my homework

FRED: Teacher, this is an awful lot of math homework.
TEACHER: You should be able to complete it if you work hard.
FRED: Could you throw in one more really hard problem?
TEACHER: Why?
FRED: It will give my Dad something to do so I can get this done faster.

Exam Humour
EXAM QUESTION: What was the Romans' greatest feat?
PUPIL'S ANSWER: Learning Latin.

MOTHER: Your history exam marks aren't very good.
SON: It isn't my fault. My teacher keeps asking me questions about things that happened before I was born.

What exams does Santa Claus take?
Ho, ho, ho levels.

What exams do farmers take?
Hay levels

Why is an optician like an examiner?
They both test pupils.

What's your Fred going to be when he's passed his exams?
The way he's going, a pensioner, I should think!

THE TEST PRAYER
Now I lay me down to rest,
I pray to pass tomorrow's test.
If I should die before I wake,
That's one less test I'll have to take

DAD: I don't understand your poor History grades. I always did well in History when I was a kid.
FRED: Dad, there's a lot more History now than when you were a kid.

School Poetry
Poor old teacher, we missed you so,
When in hospital you had to go.
For you to remain there is a sin,
We're sorry about the banana skin.

When things get twisted and out of joint,
Don't get discouraged and quit the game,
Remember a corkscrew never goes straight to the point,
But it gets there just the same.

Mary had a little bear,
To which she wasso kind,
And everywhere that Mary went,
She had a bear behind.

Don't worry if your job is small,
And your rewards are few.
Remember that the mighty oak,
Was once a nut like you.

There was a headmaster from Quebec,
Who wrapped both his legs round his neck,
But then he forgot,
How to untie the knot,
And now he's an absolute wreck.

There was a teacher from Niger,
Who went for a ride on a tiger:
Not long after that,
The tiger got fat,
With the lady from Niger inside her.

There was an old teacher called Leach,
Who took the whole class to the beach.
It said on a sign,
`Watch out for the mine '
The last thing they heard was his screech.

There was a young teacher called Fisher,
Who was fishing for fish in a fissure.
When a seal, with a grin,
Pulled the teacher right in,
And now they're fishing the fissure for Fisher